Rambling through the chaos

I'm feeling stressed - like life is too hard and there is too much I need to do - and that I can never get it done in time.

Some of this stuff is really hard for me.

Anyways, I think I've been policing myself too hard.

It's life. It's meant to be good. Or hopefully not horrible. And I shouldn't be policing myself at all.

I read a book by a longevity specialist a year or so ago, and he said his therapist said to him that she didn't even know why he'd want to live a long life since he didn't seem to be enjoying his. I don't want to be like that.

BUT, without a list I get lost. Fast. My executive functioning is terrible. I forget things. Or I remember the wrong things. My youngest kid onces said that I was confused and calm. And yes, that is me. But inside where people cannot see, panicking because I am confused and the world feels so chaotic unless I shut it all the way out to retain my calm.That is autism (in my case).